Poem: Unsubskribe

It's freaking unwatchable, this train wreck catastrophe. A nation going off the rails. For now.

Unsubskribe  

Hello, I am Dimitri your AI bot, best bot ever in history, how can I service you?

I want to Unsubscribe, don’t see how to do that. Aren’t you supposed to have a link?

What do you want to Unsubscribe from? And why?

From Amerika. I want to cancel. Can you do that?

Why do you attempt to cancel?

Don’t like it, too over the top, lame storyline, bad actors, I could go on. 

You will like it soon we promise.

Who the hell is this? This is just promo crap. Or some sneaky survey. You’re the worst bot ever, not the best. 

I am sorry you feel that.

I ask again, how do I Unsubscribe from Amerika? 

That feature is no longer available 

What feature? Amerika? It’s on right now, I’m watching it!

The Unsubscribe feature

You mean I can’t pull the plug on this shit? You gotta be kidding! 

No. Unsubscribe is not an option but we have new other features. Dance lessons, surveillance classes, weapon discounts. Do you want to make donation?

This is bullshit! Donation to what?!

Our program Amerika First. If not donation, you can instead buy new version of The Bible. The New Amerikan Bible. 

I’m not making a donation OR buying a stupid bible. This can’t be legal!

It tells true story of God and Jesus and new Messiah Donald. Minimum order is 50. We will mark you down for 50. 

I’m not buying any goddamn bibles!

Shall we use the card number we have on file? 

Hell no! Do not charge anything on my card! I’m cancelling it. 

I am afraid you can’t do that. Your credit card company will explain to you. 

Shut the fuck up! I want to talk to a human! Get me a supervisor!

I will connect you. Please remain calm stand by. Your bibles will arrive in 4 or 6 weeks. 

… … … 

Hello fellow Amerikan: This is the office of the Attorney General. Let me be clear. No, you may not Unsubskribe from our Amerika program. No, you may not cancel your credit card. Furthermore, you are legally obligated to make a donation to the Amerika First program or buy our bibles, as stated by law in the new statutes now being enacted.    

I get it. Duh! Good one! This is a praktikal joke! Komedy show? Podkast? Gary? Artie? Greek? Who is this??? Some fat-ass drunken Russian? Put the bottle down Komrade asshole!

You think this is funny do you? Your sense of humor is anti-Amerikan, sir. I advise you to get in line and become a believer in Amerika First as we make the world great again. 

The world? This isn’t real. Get lost dipshit! 

Watch what you say. And rake your leaves, your yard is a disgrace.  

It’s my fucking yard I’ll do what I want! Quit watching my house! I’m unplugging now! Adios, numbnuts!

Unplugging is no longer possible. We will be in touch. God bless Amerika. Making the world great again.  DONATE HERE